PortabelloBelle

1/3 of the year, 2/3 of my life, it might be more than two thirds of my life that have now passed, but it is certainly a third of 2025, four months that have not been easy.

I wouldn’t be fair to say the year has been a total loss so far, I had cataract surgery in January, and again in March. I’m very pleased with the results. My eyes are so much better now, to the point were I’m able to read printed books again, I’m still using an e-reader more often than physical books, but now it’s more for convenience than the necessity of adjustable font size.

Since then though, I have lost the person I thought was the friend I would have for the rest of my life, she didn’t die, she just demonstrated how wrong a person can be. I loved her in the way friends do, we have each made sacrifices for the other, and were there when needed, sharing ups, and downs, but then a chance comment she made during a phone call, gave me a pause for thought, and I asked her about what she’d said, and there it was, the secret she’d been keeping for a long time, she thought I was a freak show, she’d hung on while she could, taking advantage of my better nature. In hindsight there were signs, like how she stopped coming with me to my gender psychology sessions, not ‘needing’ me to “visit this weekend, I’ll call you” and then not doing, then at last, that final phone call, and just like that 20+ years, gone. It has taken me a while to be able to write about it, and it still hurts when I think about her. I suppose things change, and I have to get used to it.

I’ve been nullified by the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom, and the country is going downhill fast.. If you’ve been following the news, you’ll know about these things, coverage of both these issues has been non-stop, and frankly I’d like to switch it all off, but I can’t, I need to know when, as Reverend Martin Niemoller said in his poem, they come for me.

The weather has been nice these last few days, which has been good, I like the warmer weather, it makes my job more pleasant, although my truck’s cab doesn’t have air conditioning, it does have opening windows. The lack of a real winter over the last couple of years has led to there being many more bugs even this early in the year, so washing the truck has to be more frequent, keeping busy has been my salvation so far this year, but to be honest, I feel a bit like someone pursued by something I can’t quite see, but can feel getting closer, and I’m starting to tire.

Thanks for reading, next week I’ll try to bring you something positive.